There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
