Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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