we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
