the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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