just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This baby is an asshole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
