so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
