So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
