After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
