I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
