i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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