Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
