can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
organizing the empties. That sober.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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