2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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