we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
