doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
