Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
