I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
