Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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