Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my poor anus
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
