During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
