One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
