Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize