Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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