He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
