some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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