Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
