a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
