I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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