Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
