I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
