guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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