im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
