Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
