So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
