Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
