Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
