she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
