the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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