you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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