I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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