do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
