Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
