She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
