i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
