I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Someone shattered a urinal.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
