Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
