walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sober January is a disaster.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
