he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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