This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
