I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
