I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
