Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
