I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
