where does the pee come out of this thing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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