Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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