i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
