Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
