Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
