my phone needs a breathalizer
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
