I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
