no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
