Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
