Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
