And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
