I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
