Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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