I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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