So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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