Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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