He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
