at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
