If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
