Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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