So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
