I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
