drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my shit smells like andre
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
